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My old Such a Pretty Fat trainer Barbie reads this page and no one will have a better appreciation for what I have to say in the next paragraph.

(BTW, in the time it’s taken me to gain, lose, gain, and gain twenty pounds, she’s become a doctor. I feel this is worth noting.)

I started the Lose to Win program at my gym this morning, at 8:00 AM. In the snow. While wearing a jump boot to protect my badly bruised Achilles tendon. As someone who would routinely bail on training sessions on the days I didn’t want to sweat out my fresh Botox or find a coordinating do-rag to hold back my hair, I feel this is a significant change in attitude.

Barbie was a great trainer and my not being successful was my own fault for not changing the habits that sabotaged my progress. At the time, I figured that if I wrote enough checks to gyms and diet centers, the weight would simply disappear.

Way off on that.

As for today, I couldn’t actually do the boot camp with the group because of my limited range of motion, which occurred because I’m an idiot. (I stepped off a Metra platform in the dark where I assumed the crossing was. It wasn’t and I bashed my Achilles on the rail when I sank a foot in the unpacked snow, before splatting face-first across the railroad crossing. I should mention, I was completely sober. Truly, my finest moment.)

If I didn’t show up today, my team wouldn’t receive our full attendance point, and I wasn’t about to let them down further. I could do a modified workout, so I was sent to the recumbent bike. There I spent forty-five minutes peddling next to an old curmudgeon who kept bitching to his pal about all the fatties crowding the gym for the Lose to Win. He was sure everyone would fail and suggested they invest in the five cent solution, which entails sealing ones lips shut with a piece of masking tape.

You, sir, are a gentleman AND a scholar.

(I did not share a counterpoint as I don’t care to be banned from my gym for making death threats against the elderly.)

Anyway, we also receive points by participating in exercise classes, as the competition is a combination of losing weight and earning points. Even though I’m injured, I made a commitment to bring in my share of points, so I opted for aqua aerobics.

In my lifetime, I’ve never come home from the gym crowing about how much I loved my workout. Generally, the highest praise I can offer is, “Well, at least it’s over.”

Until today.

I’m now madly, passionately, deeply in love with aqua aerobics, if for no reason other than how surreal it was to be in a pool with a group of ultra-competitive, badass seniors working out to a disco remix of the Boomtown Rats, while watching the snow fall outside of the natatorium. Plus? This was a fantastic full-body, low-impact, easy to modify workout.

I’ll be back tomorrow.

No regrets here!

(Save for being a dumbass.)

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